Grief and bereavement

Introduction - grief and bereavement

The death of a loved one can be devastating. Grief and bereavement are common experiences after losing someone close. It can affect people in different ways. There's no right or wrong way to feel. Often there are four stages of bereavement:

• accepting your loss is real
• experiencing the pain of grief
• adjusting to life without your loved one
• moving on from grieving, grieving less and looking forward to new opportunities and experiences

Some people will probably go through all of these stages and you won't necessarily move smoothly from one to the next. For some the grief may feel out of control and chaotic but over time these feelings should lessen. There is no 'standard' way to grieve as everyone is different, therefore people may experience different feelings of bereavement.

Support

Listed below are some local and national sources of information and support for those who have been bereaved.

Support services in Surrey

The Brigitte Trust - bereavement support groups

The Brigitte Trust runs free structured 8-week bereavement programmes run by a professional facilitator for anyone in Surrey struggling with their own grief and bereavement. The sessions are limited to a maximum of 12 people. The groups are offered in different parts of Surrey according to need.

Phyllis Tuckwell - patient and family services

Phyllis Tuckwell supports patients, families (adults, adolescents and children) and close friends of anyone who is, or was, under the care of Phyllis Tuckwell or another palliative care service in our catchment area.

The service offers emotional support in a variety of ways:

• 1:1 counselling for patients and their families
• 1:1 counselling for bereaved children (aged 11+ years) and adults
• Adult bereavement groups
• Children and family work (including working with schools)
• Various coping, management and therapeutic support workshops.

This may be via telephone, Teams, face-to-face or a mixture, dependent on which is most appropriate for you. If you would like to enquire about accessing any of these services, call 01252 729430 or email pafs@pth.org.uk

Marie Curie bereavement support service

The Marie Curie bereavement support service is for people who want to have ongoing support, from the same bereavement volunteer, over the phone. The service is open to everyone, regardless of whether you have used Marie Curie services before.

Shooting Stars

Families can access the Shooting Stars bereavement service for three years and three months following the death of a child. There are multiple ways the service will offer care and support during this time. You can read an overview of this support below, or learn more on the bereaved families zone.

Surrey Support After Suicide service

Surrey Support After Suicide provides a range of support to those affected by bereavement by suicide.

The services provides support for people 18+ in Surrey who are bereaved by suicide, for example family or friends, and people exposed to suicide, for example witnesses, first responders, neighbours, colleagues and health and social care professionals. The service is free to access.

There are more services in different parts of Surrey, including bereavement cafes and these are listed on the Connect to Support Surrey website.

Support services in Surrey - children and young people

Jigsaw South East

Jigsaw South East supports bereaved children and young people and those facing the death of a loved one. The helpline, where you can speak to a Support Worker, is open between 9am and 12pm weekdays and can be contacted on 01342 313895.

Momentum Children's Charity

The bereavement arm of the Momentum Children's Charity, Momentum Echoes, is there to support families through the heartbreak of losing a child.

National bereavement support

Cruse bereavement support

Cruse offers bereavement support to adults, children and young people.

Sue Ryder

Sue Ryder offers expert information and advice to help you or someone close to you cope with grief and deal with the practical issues after someone has died.

The Compassionate Friends

The Compassionate Friends supports bereaved parents and families.

Miscarriage Association

The Miscarriage Association has information and support for people affected by miscarriage, molar pregnancy or ectopic pregnancy.

Sands

Sands supports anyone affected by pregnancy and baby loss.

Tommy's

Tommy's has information and support for families who experience baby loss or premature birth.

Child Bereavement UK

Child Bereavement UK helps families to rebuild their lives when a child grieves or when a child dies. The service supports children and young people (up to the age of 25) when someone important to them has died or is not expected to live, and parents and the wider family when a baby or child of any age dies or is dying. The service offers free, confidential bereavement support for individuals, couples, children, young people, and families, by telephone, video or instant messenger, wherever you live in the UK, and face-to-face support from a number of locations.

Pet bereavement

• Blue Cross
• RSPCA

The NHS Bereavement support webpage also lists organisations that offer help and advice to those who are dealing with bereavement.

Bereavement guide - what to do when someone dies

When someone dies, there are many decisions and arrangements to be made. Unfortunately these decisions and arrangements are required at a time of great personal distress and sadness.

The Surrey Registration Service Bereavement Guide offers help and guidance about some of the things that you need to do from the moment a bereavement occurs, as well as providing details of groups and contacts that may assist you over the next few days and weeks. The guide is available at the time of registration, or you can view a copy of the Bereavement Guide online.

(Please note that the information included in this guide is general guidance only and should not be treated as a complete and authoritative statement of the law. This publication will be in use from 2021 to 2022 and the information included was correct at the time of going to press).

For more information see the Surrey County Council webpage what to do after a death.

Useful contacts

• The Coroners' Court Support Service is an independent voluntary organisation whose trained volunteers offer emotional support and practical help to bereaved families, witnesses and others attending an inquest at a coroners' court.
• GOV.UK has step by step guide for what to do when someone dies.
• The Tell Us Once service enables family members to report a death to most government organisations in one go.
• The Child Funeral Charity (CFC) assists families financially in England and Wales who have to arrange a funeral for a baby or child aged 16 or under.
• Connect to Support Surrey has information including bereavement advice, guidance and wider signposting.